From Matthew Kelly's Feb. Newsletter

A Moment of Inspiration

Love Isn't a Feeling. It's a Choice.

Love is not a feeling. From when we are very young, through powerful mediums such as movies and music, we are conditioned to believe it is. The result of this conditioning is that we allow our actions to be dictated by our feelings. Rather than asking ourselves whether a particular person is going to help us become our best self, we simply allow our feelings to take us wherever they will at any particular moment. And I don't know whether you've noticed it, but feelings are one of the most inconsistent aspects of the human person.

Our feelings shouldn't direct our actions and our lives. Our actions should be driven by our hopes, values, and aspirations; above all, they should be driven by our essential purpose. People who are driven by feelings are dangerous. They are undisciplined, inconsistent, and unreliable. But people who are driven by their values and a clear understanding of their essential purpose are to be treasured. They are disciplined, consistent, and reliable. Love is a choice, not a feeling. Feelings come and go, and if we choose to base our most important relationships on how we feel at any particular moment, we are in for a rough and rocky journey.

Love is a verb, not a noun. Love is something we do, not something that happens to us. When you choose not to love, you commit a grave crime against yourself. You may hold back your love to spite another person, or in an attempt to hurt another person. Withholding love is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. You may hold back your love in the name of safety and security, but these are only illusions, and in time you will stand as a dwarf compared to the person you could have potentially become if you had chosen love. Love is a choice. When we choose to love our spirit expands. When we choose not to love, our spirit shrivels.

~excerpt from The Seven Levels of Intimacy: The Art of Loving and the Joy of Being Loved